my face and my attempt on being productive :|

i have been a bum since last week. productivity was out of my vocabulary. . .. until i read Athena's blog this morning. so i tried to move around today, looking for something to do. yet ended up here in front of the computer, again. but i was able to fix me bed, though. :P

i wanted to clean and organize files in my computer for the nth time. then i was able to go through my vain photos. yes i do have a folder full of photos of my [ehem. . ] pretty[?] face. hahaha. but this one below got my attention. its an old photo which was taken around November '11 and i really love it. :]

 

moving on, i can't really wait til sunday. my friend Athena will be coming over at my place to take photos of [ehem..] me. hee heee. and i really think its something to look forward to and be excited about since she is really good when it comes to this kind of stuff. 

you should visit her at Noting Athena.

anyway, i also spent some moment outside. tried to write down my thoughts to get my mind warmed up. and its true that writing once in a while is a good brain exercise. and its also good to have some time alone. but in my case, ive been having too much time alone and i really think i need to get out and be with people i miss.

good feeling, wont you stay with me just a little longer. .

seems like its just me and my sadness today. it really breaks my heart whenever i think about that someone. now, i just try my very best to just distance my self from that person. hoping that the distance would stop these feelings from ever growing.

anyway. id like to help myself forget by looking at these pretty photos of trees i took. they give me this positive feeling that some things are still beautiful despite the shit i feel inside and that things will get better. . . soon.

its been almost a month since i graduated from college. no school for me now. half of me feels happy about it and the other half feels sad and scared and confused about whats out there after school. its crazy.

i have been thinking bout what i want to do, who i want to be, what job to take. and there's just too much thinking and not doing anything. its frustrating that all i do is just think about things. i want something to happen already. and i cant just wait for things to happen. i need to move. i need to make a step. but im just too darn scared and then my mind goes "you need to think about it." so i would go and think again until another day passes and all i have done is think about it. gahhhh.

you see, i want to be a lot of things. i want to do a lot of things. and there's just one me.

but before all that, i still need to get my book finished and get my clearance cleared. after then i can think about how to get started on doing the things i want to do. i need to get this things done. -___-

moving on. these photos are just . . really beautiful. and id like to hold on to that feeling when your under a tree's shade and the grass is cold and you feel the wind on your face. .. it really is just a good feeling.

catching up :]

sooo. . . a lot has happened since the last time i posted. 

• i passed my thesis. and graduated :D
• my family is complete again, with my borther coming home for my graduation to my surprise, IT WAS THE BEST GIFT EVER.
• i already have my Diana Mini (will have one post dedicated for her soonest)
• summer art workshop started (and will be ending this week D:) and the kids are just so adorable. SPECIALLY JOAQUIN <3
• i have been eating a lot lately :] YAY.
• i have developed a love affair with my new pair of shoes. haha :))
• been taking a lot of new photos lately.

graduation with my labs :)

here's an artwork of my student. its a bird house :)

meet the "ang kulit-kulit" na si Joaquin <3

mini burgers from Flame It <3

my  shoes and i love it

had a date with Carren :)

i have never been very busy. its just that i get really tired after class and just sleep when i get home. and it's just now that i had the urge to visit this site again and it felt pretty lonely. its been more than a month since my last post and i didn't have a post for the month of April and i felt sad, really.

when i was young. . .

everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. . . except for the occasional cuts and bruises i get from running fast, climbing trees, from playing and exploring. i just miss childhood so much.

i think this picture was taken in Family Park and i really think i was in grade 2.

last night, when i was, sort of, writing about my life philosophy for my philo class, me and a friend talked about how lucky we were to have a gadget free childhood. how we miss having summer vacation that felt like years and the pain it gave to know that it's over. there's a lot of things i miss in childhood.

i miss climbing trees and eating the fruits on top of it and call on the people that were passing by and giggle when that person tries to find who calls. >:]

i miss running around the grassy field and just letting myself to fall intentionally and roll on the grass and laugh at the pain i felt and then scratch the itch it gave and sometimes look for and catch some grasshoppers :)

i miss hanging and swinging while i hold on a broken coconut leaf.

i miss biking all day and not feel the heat of the sun.

i miss playing on that hill of sand, climbing to the top and letting my self slide while having a piece of plywood on my bottom and it was one of the best feeling ever!!!

i miss cooking all i could see and i would sneak inside our house to get some salt, sugar and rice and i also miss the smell of boiling "sagbot" and saying "hmmm, it so good" when it actually looks like shit. hahahaha.

i miss playing "tinda-tinda" and feel like im so rich and i have a lot of money when all i have, really, are leaves i got from the atis tree.

i miss wandering in those places i thought that has never been discovered but truth is, it was just a normal place.

i miss playing beside that huge C1-30 by the golf course and spend the whole afternoon looking for a four-leaf-clover or just lying under the shade of that huge airplane and look at the sky and fall a sleep once in a while.

i miss sneaking inside the golf course and let the guard chase after me and my friends (my dose of adrenaline rush) and when there were no guards we will play in the sand and on the grass.

i miss collecting rocks thinking that they were different and unique from each other but then they all look the same, really.

i miss believing that i have the power of the wind because the wind would come and blew harder whenever i whistle. hahaha. then i would stay outside our house waiting for a message the wind would send but it never came.

i miss keeping found objects and my mother would often scold me for keeping trash but to me they were treasures.

i miss playing tumbang preso, the slipper game, 'buwan-buwan", patentero, shampoo-shake, Dr. wakwak (i dont know who invented this but it's ridiculously fun) ice-water, lupa-langit, hide and seek, dakop-dakop, shatong, finding things, dampa, pulis-dunggab, bahaw-bahaw, cards and pogs and all those fun games we had. it was fun and i miss it.

but as much as i want to escape the future and go back to the past, i just cant miss the present. because i don't know what's going to happen. i just have to be there to see it.

hours not badly spent :]

i am a sentimental fool tonight. my mind is filled up, like a bucket overflowing with water, with sooooo much thoughts and im going to write them down here to remember, i just hope that my words are enough to contain them. One of my professor said this beautiful quote that forever i will remember. . . and it's that. . .

"words are containers to carry thoughts. . ."

its a lovely quote and i just hope that my choice of words can justify the thoughts i have in mind.

spending times like this makes me feel better about myself and even if im not doing what i have to do. . . i think my time is not badly spent :) i should be making plates and assignments and other school must-dos now but i don't have the energy for it. my body is lazy and my mind is way too busy wandering in cosmos of thoughts and some of the thoughts i came across with gave me pins and needles and butterflies. :|


soon i will be in this "real world" they say. i just cant help but wonder what is it really like to be in it. im scared that i may not find the right place where i could actually fit in. im scared of not fitting in. its a sad truth i am dealing with. a friend said that what other people think, even those of she doesn't know, would matter to her and that is true to me too. i just hate being judged and i don't like the feeling of not being wanted. it gives me the heavy heart and makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. ITS SAD. T_T but as the passive person that i am when it comes to things like this, i have never found the necessity to change myself for those people that doesn't even matter. bahala sila. pero it hurts you know. -_-

however, change is a part of life. its the only thing that is constant. and maybe we just cant notice it, but maybe, just maybe, we are changing. . . evolving into being the best or the worst person we can be.

being part of that "real world " would really make a huge difference. different people, places, things to do and the list goes on and on would make a huge impact on the person we are going to be. and im just so scared with what that real world has in store for me and also scared that ,when that time comes, i may leave some people behind and i'll be left by others. IT IS SCARY. CHANGE IS ALWAYS SCARY. but i have to get used to it somehow, i think.

i just know it in my heart that i will be willing to embrace the things life will bring. i know it wont be easy, but it will be worth it. and i will be more than thankful for the journey :]

and thus i leave you with this song by collective soul titled "run" which is an old time favorite of mine. i really do have a long way to run, do i . . .

endings and beginnings | part ii

the last post was all about what i am thankful for in the year that was. it took me so long to finally make this second post. anyway, there were a few highlights in 2011 that i wasn't able to share. there was. . .

• my brother's wedding. yes. now we have an additional sister and an extended family :)

• i am no longer a teenager. yes. im 20 and i've been in this world for 2 decades now :D

• and. . . my first heartbreak. it was, somehow, a bit self inflicted though.

so now, there's a few things i need to improve on myself. i will try to be a better me than i was.

so this 2012. i want to. . .

GAIN SOME WEIGHT. yeah. i really want to gain some weight. i need to EAT MORE, MORE, and MORE.

WORRY LESS AND HAVE FUN. i need to stop worrying over really small stuffs and start enjoying life. i don't really have fun to the "highest level" because i worry and i have this "what if's" in mind. I should minimize that and start LIVING.

LISTEN TO MUSIC. for there is always music despite everything. even if your world crashes. the radio will still sing you a song. especially the songs YOU DONT WANT TO LISTEN TO. HAHAHA. anyway, music has been always one of my greatest way to escape reality.

READ MORE. yes. i need to read more. i have found my love for fiction now. and i will have my list of the books i want to read. :D im happy that i have found interest in reading for i didn't have any for it since i got into college. he he. i wish people gave me books when i was still younger than i am now.

i wanted to do the project 365. one photo a day. but errr. i don't have my own camera. but i will try. I WILL. i love taking photos as much as i like talking. haha. its like immortalizing a memory. you can always look back on it and remember. :)

TAKE A BREAK AND TRAVEL. after graduation i will really take some break. even if it's just in Tagaytay. I WILL TAKE IT. haha. i am really looking forward to travel abroad with my family this summer. i am still not sure where but i hope we really could. it will be my first trip out of the country. if ever. and if by July 2012, i still don't have a job here. I WILL TAKE A RISK in SINGAPORE :D

TRY NEW THINGS. i would really love to try and learn something new this year. like own and learn how to play a ukelele :D or learn how to drive. or own a puppy, if only it doesn't grow T.T. or go to manila on my own. haaay. if only my parents would allow. Zzz. . .

i am always scared to make mistakes. but because i'm scared, i make mistakes. haha. ow the irony of it all. the thing about mistakes is that you learn. you will always learn from it. always. unless your stupid or in denial of your mistake. only then will you not learn. and the thing about not accepting or admitting mistakes. . . is that you can never move on. neverrrr.

SPEND TIME WITH THOSE WHO REALLY MATTER. of course there's my family and my friends. but there is someone i would really love to spend my time with; that is. . . MYSELF. yesss. one thing that i learned from 2011 is that its important to spend time alone. even if you just stare at an empty space. haha. it makes you think and reflect about certain things. it makes you know yourself better.

i guess that's it. but one things for sure. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OK. maybe not to today or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. but eventually. if its not ok, then it's not yet over. i have my hopes up for 2012.

and so i sign off with this song by The Naked and Famous, Young Blood because im young and lovin' it. its a really nice song to end this nice post :D haha.

endings and beginnings | part i

i have been thinking about a lot of things lately. my life was always been a life of mere existence. living each day as if flowing together with the wind. it was just in November that i really decided to live my life [sort of]. i took one of the biggest and hardest step ever. it was one heart breaking, brain draining and life changing decision i have made so far. and now, all i know is that the only long term relationship i am guaranteed of is. . . what i have with myself. HAHA.

Quoted: "there are far better things ahead than any we leave behind." and i am really looking forward for what 2012 has to offer. i just hope it doesn't get the best of me. haha. anyway, in 2011, i was thankful for. . .

my family. because they're always there. ALWAYS :)

these AWESOME PEOPLE. because they've made 2011 AWESOME.

COFFEE. for being with me through cramming days and sleepless nights :)

these guys. who always take my breath away with laughter :D

THE NATIONAL. because of their awesome music. love :">

and Internet. YES. because you've been always awesome.

AND for people who have been with me as companions. for those who made me laugh and smile. for those who made my day. for those who ruined it. duh. for those who made me cry. for those who loved me. for those who gave me hope. for those who inspired me. . . for the good food, good music, breathe taking laughs, beautiful sunsets, contagious smiles, cramming days, creeping in the attic [you know who you are :D] . . . AND MORE. haha. i couldn't list them all.

maybe 2011 wasn't the best year i've had but it was at its best. :)

an AWESOME Day with AWESOME People :D

the Diana Mini. GahH. WANT T_T

meet kate's new buddy: Totoro :3

the Big Bang @_@

the Milky Way O_O. If you're a fan of Brain Freeze then this is what you need.

the best of Caryl's moves. HAHAHA! one of the funniest moments ever :D

12.19.2011
Baaab Christmas PartehH! an AWESOME Day with AWESOME people :D i love you guys <3 heee. :">