pls dont mind :|

change is the most constant thing in life. even if you do nothing, everything will still change. eventually.

gaaahhH. this heavy heart is killing me now. i blame hormonal imbalance for being emotional these days. the first week of December is almost here and i expect my monthly visitor to come and visit me by then. fart.

quoted: "everybody disappears, no matter who loves them"

well, there's a war inside my head. i wanted to do something productive today. i did try but the emotions got the best of me. i ate a whole bar of snickers yet felt the same. T____T i hate it when i feel like i've wasted a day on nothing. just mere thinking and not doing anything.

people stay, then go. its just sad to think that no matter how much you like a person to stay in your life, if they decide to leave there is NOTHING you can do about it. nothing. [he better know this] we'll its part of growing up. some people may only stay for just a while and that's reality. but it doesn't mean that when we leave, what we had in the past would just be trash. we'd still treasure it somehow because its going to be a part of who we are. or maybe i just don't want to be bitter. its just that maybe we just have to take different paths in order for us to grow a little bit more.

and then we meet new people and some people in the past that somehow makes us feel better. people who makes us feel ok and makes it easy to move on. but i just cant help but get scared that these people may leave me they way i left him. i believe in karma just so you know. and now i have this defense mechanism of pulling myself away. and really, i feel stupid for personally drawing that fine line that separates me from others. hays.

i just remember athena's concept of attachment to people. the bitter-sweetness in missing a lot of people; that feeling that what you have now is going away soon, does saddens me also. hays.

i guess i got caught up in the hype of having someone i could run onto for comfort and knowing that this wouldn't last makes me sad. [i thought that maybe i should stop it this early or ill die a little inside once it ends in a flash]. but then i tried only to find out that i cant. i just cant. ever since the break up i felt that i have this control over things in which i don't really have; feelings. but no, i can't control it. i adore people who can, those people who are strong and brave. i wish i could be like them.